Just Finished Reading The Megan Fox Rolling Stone Cover Story
Over an inordinate amount of bathroom sessions mostly because I had to go back and read things over so many times. I equate it to the time I finished “Great Expectations” in high school in that I was so drained by the end of it that I needed a day or two to recover. I only thank Rolling Stone for not putting Diablo Cody on the cover so that I was spared the following exposition:
"Arriving at the gates of her home I looked around and felt a still calm pervading the air. Strewn about the front yard were little trinkets presumably from her teenage days. Hamburger phones, tiny trampolines, and Decemberists albums lined the steeped, off-white porch that Diablo sat on in a giant rocking chair blowing ironic bubbles out of a pipe. All of this as if to say ‘Welcome to my world.’"
Remember that time when Muse and Pearl Jam released albums in the same month and Rolling Stone ran a Megan Fox cover story?
If Spike Jonze and/or Karen O aren’t on the cover next I’m canceling my subscription.
…Natural Born Killers (1994) and Battle Royale (2000) back to back, double feature, exploitation film grindhouse style. I couldn’t get to sleep until 5 a.m. Unbelievably crazy dreams, walking through a landscape of murder, decapitation, and carnage. Asians with warped faces were everyhere. Snakes and worms with razor blades for teeth eating people. One hell of a crazy nightmarish ride. There were no drugs involved either. Can’t wait to do it again someday.
UFL, United Football League - Set to debut October 8, 2009. 4 teams from Florida, NY, California, and Las Vegas. Notable players include Larry Fitzgerald’s brother Marcus, Simeon Rice, Brooks Bollinger, Koren Robinson, and the face of the league, JP Losman. Games are to be played on Wednesday - Friday. Inaugural season will be 6 games and the championship played on Thanksgiving weekend. If the league succeeds, there are over 15 cities that would like an expansion team.
USFL, United States Football League - Set to debut in the Spring of 2010. No publicly confirmed teams or really anything yet. They’re keeping everything quiet for now.
AAFL - All American Football League - Aiming to debut in 2010. 6 teams from Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Michigan, Tennessee, and Texas. Notable players include Rod Smart (He Hate Me from the XFL), Eric Crouch, and Chris Leak.
PEACHIE! fake an incurable disease, go on that make a wish shit and request your dying wish to get with t-swift… she’ll have to go for it, she’s all christian and shit… or at least she did that jonas brother…
Let me give you an accurate rundown of what will 100% happen if I attempted to pull that off:
Taylor Swift will in fact come and visit. We’ll chat about things like winter birthdays, pudding pie, her musical career and the ‘fact’ that I’ve been bedridden with some terminal illness for the last year or two. Then, due to her popularity, everyone I know will show up to the hospital and some retard will say something along the lines of “Dude, Brooo. This is ridiculous man. We were just playin football 3 days ago…” Taylor (at this point, we’d be on a first name basis) will look at me, horrified, immediately leave the hospital with an uneasy feeling, and within 2 years will create a new album with the most popular song being titled Artichokes Have Hearts, Peaches Don’t.
Once put an adorable baby bunny in her vagina. One week later ‘twas a diamond; black as the fouls of Hades, robbed of all innocence and void of all the splendor of god.
Take warning, ye of curious prospect, great danger lies-a-foot for the body and the soul.
The caverns await…
Down at the pub an old friend of mine from down by the wharf made tell of this diamond. Lying on top of the water calling him closer like the sirens of Odysseus it was at once cool to the touch and hotter than the deepest perforation of hell. He then showed me his hand which had been whittled down to a withered claw.